Mojo...Where Hast Thou Been?

If I just sneak in ..quietly..and sit and type and then post..chances are no one (else) will remind me of my foolhardy nonsense about a blogfest in which I would post tons and tons of stuff until I could post no more and I'd be here and things would be lovely.

Anyhow..eventually when scales tip so far one way and you're walking permanently lop-sided because balance of any kind is a thing of the past..well..eventually things start to sway the other way. It's the way of the world.

I feel as though I'm breathing again.
It's been a hell of a year..
and although I knew myself that the wave was about to break, it took a real tragedy to make my eyes open to the fact that the change, the decisions had to come from me..
and cometh they did. I've had close friends and family die. sometimes they were older and therefore in the natural order of things, although it's never ever been easy, we grieve and move slowly on with time. sometimes, it's been heartbreakingly unfair and the loss has been unbearable, and time only creeps by and the anger never really subsides. and then sometimes...the someone decides to take their own life and the emotions are just a whole different ball game. different feelings, different questions,different funeral, different moving on. Almost unexplainable, the shock, the disbelief, the anger, the grief for the family left behind, the mystery, so so many questions and then, because this was seen to be a choice, I personally doubt there was a choice, there is acceptance.

I always want to have a choice
Mathematically and historically, I can tell you I will mess up at least 75% of the time. Thats ok

So here I am, a new era at work and home and in life

I feel as though..I'm returning to me
All it took was a small mousey darling (because I can't have a dog..and I need something), a teeny tiny rebellion and few months of thinking hard.
Not a lot in the grand scheme of things.

On the day..THE day..this played and started the smile and it's still there.


nice to be here..