I haven't been around since 4th March. Well, of course I have and even around here but not in any real "putitdownonpaper" sense.
Nothing has been put down on paper
not a word...not a sketch..not a paint brush.
I have written at least a dozen blog posts in my head though.
You have to ask sometimes..if something bigger than you out there is possibly putting you through some invisible kind of test. Let's see how many hours she can work if she really has to..let's see if she can handle just a little bit extra confrontation..let's see if she can handle hatred...let's see if she feels in control of this situation..let's see how far we can push.
and then finally..let's see how she copes when she loses her last link to her family.
My Nan passed away last Thursday.
We had an odd bond.
She tried to give me away three months after I was born, whilst my Mum was working.
I can laugh about it now, but I think I spent a lot of my life trying to prove to her that keeping me was her best decision.
At the end..our slates were clean. After a long day at the hospital and a long evening at work catching up on a missed day...I drove back to the hospital and sat with her. I left her at midnight and I knew it would be the last time and I'm ok. Surprisingly I'm ok. It doesn't feel like any bond has been broken..it feels like nothing has changed...I just won't be seeing her again.
Whilst I'd quite liked to have disappeared under a duvet for a day or two..work has again taken over, but just because I need to stop thinking for a couple of hours..everything will be dropped tonight for my naked art class (see what I did there? )
and about that Ipod random shuffle thing...on Thursday pm...Ol' Frank belted out about doing it My Way...and it has to be said...My Nan danced to the same tune.
6 comments:
Sorry to hear about this, so much of this. Your Nan, work, and having to handle hatred. Unhappy times.
Go, draw naked people. Preferably at your art class ;)
My prescription? A little bit of this will maybe help to feel a little better.
Thank you Martin
x
She tried to give you away? Bloody hell.
I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it of late Mills. Hope things start looking up soon xx
Sorry, that was me by the way. Still not entirely sure how that happens! (Think it's something to do with being signed into the TMAP blog account rather than my own personal one.)
Kipps
She really did. To a couple moving to Australia. I could've been a Kylie Minogue..except I can't sing..oh..hold on...
:)
Thank you Kipps..I'm sure things will turn around soon. I might even get time to tweet !
I can think of worse places to be shipped off to than Australia but still..!
Oh yes, would be nice to see you on Twitter. In fact you could say it would be a rare tweet! ;)
Post a Comment